We can be bionic heroes, just for one day.

Goddamn has it been a long time. Sorry about that. Little thing called life tends to get in the way of whining about vidja games.

Anyways, the topic of today is the recently released Bionic Commando for the 360/PS3.

As with all of these posts, let me begin by telling you a story of a man I knew when I was young... wait scratch that, sounds a bit too familiar.

Anyways, most people will reminisce that their first memory of the BC series was on the NES with the titular first entry of the series. Archaic by today's discriminating taste (HOPE YOU ENJOY DYING IN ONE HIT PUNKASS), the game nevertheless managed to remain with gaming's collective memory for one simple reason.

It was the first game where you got to see Hitler's head explode.

While Wolfenstein 3d would eventually perfect the dictator murder simulation years later, Bionic Commando wormed its way into the hearts of 80s children everywhere for their first real taste of video game gore.

None of this matters to myself really, since my birthdate of 1987 was the year of the games release.

Instead, I would first gain an appreciation for the title years later with the Gameboy Color psudeo-sequel and series reboot entitled the same exact thing.

Using rotoscoped sprites, the title was a visual powerhouse for the little handheld at the time and presented a ball-stompingly difficult challenge that took me a good few months to play through.

Were I to play it now, thanks to the power of the internets ability to never forget, I'd probably clear it within the hour. My smug self assertiveness now aside, I was pretty terrible at games years ago.

Figuring the Gameboy title was a warmup for an upcoming N64 or Playstation game, I waited for a few months for any further news but was returned with only broken dreams and dead silence.

Since it was a handheld title, I left my memories of it to rot.

It wasn't until 2008 that I was reminded of that little game again when developer GRIN and publisher Capcom announced they were going to relaunch the Bionic Commando brand with a new current gen title and a bonus "mini" game through various download services.

Intrigued by the trailers, I watched with fascination about this new celebration of a well-loved friend returning home looked nothing like the girl I fell in love with. Essentially, Capcom collectively put their fingers in their ears over the existence over the GBC title and GRIN similarly responded with a collective shrug.

And thus, a new sequel to Bionic Commando was born entitled... Bionic Commando.
Keeping in mind the black sheep of the series, the GBC title, was also entitled the same. So basicly the Bionic Commando series has three games all called "Bionic Commando". At least Capcom has kept some consistency somewhere through the games.

The mini game released online, thankfully subtitled "Rearmed", was a reimaging of the NES game's 2d gameplay and applying, I dare to say again, our more modern and refined gaming sensibilities to the table.

It was a fair good appetite wheter that did add in some modern niceities such as a life bar and the ability to actually play it. Above all, I think, it did sell me on the idea of purple space men bringing back Hitler from the dead was a plot that actually matter and had some particality. Nevermind the fact it's never explained how Hitler can exist in a world so different from our own, especially considering his body was burned to a crisp after he shot himself, but SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP.

I was most impressed with the little title was the music. Reference both the NES and the GBC titles of the series into one modern day game which is at once a tribue to the era of bombastic 16 Bit consoles/DOS era games and incorporates all of the lessons in pacing and build up composers have learned since then.

Fitting then, that the current gen Bionic Commando plays the original theme we've heard across all these games in a melodic piano score with none of the digitized sounds we've heard from the days of yore beyond the fact it's original composure date is probably somewhere in the mid 80s.

Hearing the opening soundtrack is a fitting lead in to what Bionic Commando is: a eulogy to retro gaming.

Apparently, according to sources I don't care enough to cite, Bionic Commando's (which henceforth I'll call BC 3 for the sake of my sanity) production run was dropped from over 2 million units to just under several hundred thousand. While most would claim that it's a sign Capcom knew the game was bad, I beg to differ.

If anything, it shows their foresight after the Lost Planet debacle.

They know BC3 will be a niche product. After all, the plot is an incomprehensible mess unless you've played the Rearmed game, read an online comic series revealing the events prior to this game, and have read the manual before playing.

Most would say that such a poorly handled storyline should deduct imaginary review points, but I'll beg to differ.

It's, once again, a fitting eulogy to retro gaming.

Did we ever really know about Mario, Bowser, Sonic, and whatever other character was being marketed to us with neon colors and impact fonts? No, instead it was all infered through perhiphery media we consumed or, heaven forbid, read in the manual.

As Nathan RAD Spencer leaps from tall buildings with a single bound and questions the very nature of the human condition (one of these things is a blatant lie), we can't help but shake the feeling he's trapped within a 2D world and accutely aware of his dire situation.

All around him are blue clouds which, upon contact, instantly kill the player with nary a second through. Water forms an ever present and looming danger the likes of which haven't been seen since the early 90s. Death, perhaps most damningly, not only sends the player back several minutes in time but also undoes everything they'd done up to the point of croaking.

In short, it is a platformer with the camera shoved in the wrong location.

What's impressive is how the game handles all of the influences of the old with the requirements of the new. Case in point, the "collectibles".

Scattered throughout the game are little icons of NES Bionic Commando items that serve no purpose other than unlocking an concept art and achievements. Are they unnecessary? Completely. None of the character even reference them during their frequent motivation monologues. Instead, they're placed because GRIN knew you as a player couldn't avoid their siren song. They tap into the childlike fascination you once held with the older games.

They also hit upon your childhood frustrations of being required to turn off the console and go to dinner by having you loose all your trinkets everytime you bite the dust. There is no progress to be saved after all... you died, too bad, so sad.

Spencer, voiced by the jack-of-all-trades Mike Patton, also serves as a surrogate for the player in that post modern way we've come to expect from franchise reboots.

Sure, he performs all the motions becoming for an action hero, but his sarcastic smirks of self satsifaction every time he knocks a foot trooper into the abyss and his cries of "who's next" every time he kills a small platoon of soliders reflect that ever repressed id of the gamer currently holding the controller.

The game is challenging through the conventional means classic gaming, meaning lots of enemies and nary an item in sight, while never once assuming you're a moron at the game. Sure, game game has the obligatory "context senstitive" clues require of all modern gaming but I cannot but help but be impressed by the fact it never once bullshits you. Every time you die will be due to your own ineptitue with the controls. Every time you fight a boss, you will be required to learn their weak points. Most importantly, every time you fail you get a little bit better at the game.

Nathan's journey to redemption then, for you see he's a national traitor at the begining of the game but given pardon on the basis of being A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO STOP THE TERRORISTS HELL YEAH, is the journey of the Bionic Commando franchise and the player's experience as a whole. It is a classically challenging game and elegant in all the right ways.

Long dormant, the player and Nathan must teeth their way back into the the habits of the old through an opening mission where they're castrated from their arm. Here, Nathan must learn to become a warrior in a strict game-only way. The player, however, must learn the basics of survival in a world that will not stop for them. Upon reuniting with the THE ARM, Nathan and the player are free. You may be guided by a disembodied voice from time to time, but for the majority of the game you and Nathan are entirely alone. Through this loneliness, then, comes your skill naturally as a player.

For those reasons, the title is bound to tank hard.

Going back to that main theme then, it's as though the composer knew this might just be the last time we'll ever see the Bionic Commando property and thus devised a theme which is at once heroic and sad. As you and Nathan triumph against all odds, victory will leave you with a sense of nihlistic complacement. You beat the game and Nathan arose to his rightful place as a bionic legend once more, yes, but that's also the end of him and the era of retro platformers.

His game hints at modern features which are bound supplant the classic ones in the next title, or patch even, therefore the end of BC3 also signifies the end of a franchise.

You could argue that the multiplayer mode would be the game's saving grace, but it too echoes a world of games that are no more. If anything, I'm reminded of Quakeworld with it where players are featureless characters bearing brightly colored suits of armor. Only the skilled prevailed while the scrubs are left to toil with a poor starting weapon and being as frail as a glass vase. It's fun, certainly, but not for the faint of heart.

Fitting then that the slow piano theme plays over the multiplayer menu.

In short, I'd check out the game if you feel up for a little challege and can put up with its endless load screens. In the end, you'll feel the same way as the David Bowie butchery I put as the subject line.

The game and you will champion the old ways gaming for a little while, but it's long past time for a burial. At least it's a viking send off.